2006-10-16
9:38 p.m.
I'm trying not to feel like a failure. I have so much work to do, been putting it off (the only downside of working from home), feels like college all over again. I have a million things to do around here and have kids underfoot all day which makes me want to go hang out with people over the age of four, which makes me fall behind back here at home and the vicious symbiotic cycle keeps going. My parents are coming to visit this weekend, which is super stressful because they�re refused to talk to me for almost a year now and I�ve basically been through a yearlong grief process (shock, denial, devasation, and almost to acceptance) when they suddenly reappear on the scene and want to visit. My gut reaction to seeing them is excitement because I'm hopeful and I'm glad to have them and make them biscuits and gravy and I hope this will go wonderfully�but a big part of me is afraid that they�re going to tell me my mom has terminal cancer. People from back home have been telling me �I�m sorry to hear about your mom�s surgery,� which my mom hasn�t told me about, so I�m hearing from other people that they found a nodule on her lymph node. I�m so scared, and yet (with TheRapist�s help) I�ve also been grieving the emotional loss of her and now I might have to do it all over again. I have to get my ducks in a row and a grip on what�s left of my sanity and concentrate on making a home here for my precious precious precious little family here because they are my world, all while I gear up for whatever the fuck is going to happen this weekend. All of this stress and fear of the future isn�t easy when you have a toddler running around, smearing banana into the upholstery and feeding crackers to the VCR.
Okay, well, the rest of the weekend was spent laughing-in-the-screaming-kind-of-way at the new Amy Sedaris book. I think God put her on earth for us to be in awe of. Been listening to Echo and the Bunnymen "Songs To Learn and Sing" � reminds me of the Unforgettable Fire, and messes with my mood.
Here are some pics from Phil's record release last night. He was stoked about getting a Grammy nomination for being part of an orchestra that he has since quit, he kept saying "you can talk to me but you'll be talking to a Grammy-nominated person."
This is Ben outside, not listening.
Amy double fisting. (Huh huh, fisting)
Talking to Ben, very rude while someone is performing.
Ben should have known better than to leave his cigarette alone with me
I think I accidentally deleted the ones of Jacob and Phil onstage. There was one I especially liked where they were looking at each other like they were in love.
This picture is awesome.
What was I saying? That I procrastinate? Kay bye.
You can leave a comment, or you can think it in your head.
0 comments so far
|