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7:46 p.m.

Right now I can hear David read Judah his bedtime stories. He says "this is..." and Judah says "George." D says "He is a good little monkey..." and J says "and always berry curious."

Tonight when I put Lolly down we did the usual thing where we read two stories, then I hold her while we talk about what we did today. i recounted her naughtiness at the coffee shop and rascally-ness at the post office, and she said "yeah..!" almost proudly like she always does after I say what we did that day. I was having the hardest time with her. Judah is a little angel now but he was such a punk when he was 2. While David was working I took the kids out with the intention of having fun bonding time and I ended up wanting to cry and franky, smack Lolly's little face. I didn't though. I did want to blow my brains out like I sometimes do when I'm a single parent with both of them. that's not a suicidal statement, just a recurring fantasy when my two year old WILL. NOT. LIsten! Two year olds aren't really supposed to listen but I'm still supposed to enforce what I say and I do, and it just gets frustrating when i've done it dozens of times to seemingly no avail. Well, Judah shaped up when he turned 3 so I hope she will too. If she doesn't then I suppose I had it coming. David said to Lolly today "Your sassiness doesn't fall far from the tree."

He said last night that this is busiest time of our lives because we're both working hard and have two kids under the age of five, with no family support for a thousand miles. It will get better. Tonight Judah told me "I love you more than love" and he said it like "luff."

he also said "I wish we had 1,000 weiner dogs in our house."

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stepha 2006