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david on oprah

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2007-04-12
10:43 a.m.

Yesterday I was watching Oprah and David was watching it too. But he couldn�t act like he enjoyed it too much so he had this to say:

On Oprah's d�colletage:

�It looks like she has a butt on her chest. A big brown butt.�
On her �best friend� Gayle:
�She really puts the GAY in Gayle.�
On Oprah knocking on her neighbor�s door and asking why they�ve never invited her to dinner:
�You know that if you invited Oprah over for dinner, you�d get a document from her lawyers saying 'Do not contact Oprah ever again.'�
I heard Kurt Vonnegut died and was kind of surprised because he�s one of those people who flies so low under the radar that I think I thought he already was dead. Like J.D. Salinger. He�s still alive, right? I was shocked when Joe DiMaggio died cause for some reason I thought he�d been dead for awhile. Coo coo kachoo

The only Kurt Vonnegut novels I have are Slaughterhouse 5 and Welcome to the Monkey House, the second of which I stole from the Tuckers when I was babysitting for them in 1997. Sorry, Tuckers. Here is part of a Vonnegut interview that's sorta interesting (to me)
Q: So is this really the final book? Timequake was supposed to be your farewell, and then Dr. Kevorkian came along.

Vonnegut: I don't fucking know. I keep thinking I'll die. Why do you think I smoke so much?

Q: How many packs are you up to a day?

Vonnegut: Never mind. It's none of your fucking business. Fuck off � you know what I'm saying?

Q: So in Dr. Kevorkian you were sort of experimenting with the idea of Heaven without actually dying.

Vonnegut: I was just farting around. That's all.

Q: At least two of your titles contain benedictions of sorts � God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian and God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater. Considering your Humanist views, is there irony there, or does it just feel good to say?

Vonnegut: Oh, no. God is a nice idea. [Pause] Saying "God bless you" just helps make the titles a little longer.

Q: In some of your writing, you've discussed how one of the most horrifying and tragic and terrifying hypocrisies at the center of life is that human beings don't really like life. Do you think this is still true?

Vonnegut: This is why drugs are as pervasive as they are today. We've got thousands and thousands of people locked up in prisons for trafficking, and yet the stuff is available everywhere. High schools, junior high schools, probably retirement homes. Everybody knows somebody who's either buying it or selling it.

Q: Have you ever simply wanted to stop living?

Vonnegut: Well, sure. I would have liked to have died on D-Day. That would have been class. Real class."
--from the Kurt Vonnegut interview on McSweeneys


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stepha � 2006