2007-02-08
9:11 a.m.
I came back from lunch and there was a huge bouquet of roses on a table near HH's desk.
Me: Whose roses are those?
Nurse: They're from Chris's husband, it's their 20th anniversary.
Hammerhead: Dammit! I want roses!
Nurse: You should have been married for 20 years then.
HH: I tried three times. Noooo thank you.
Nurse: You were married three times?
HH: Yup! And the last two were BROTHERS!
*****
The CFO comes to wait for a meeting with our boss.
CFO man: My, what beautiful roses.
Boss: Oh aren't they, they're from my husband, it's our -- [she is brutally interrupted by HH]
HH: THEY'RE MINE! HA HA HA!
Boss: [trying to pretend HH isn't there] Yes, it's our 20th anniv --
HH: THEY'RE FROM MY SECRET ADMIRER! HEEEEEEEEEE! [This time she laughs only by wheezing.]
Boss: [realizing she really needs to escape if she is to maintain any shred of professionalism] So let's go down to the conference room...
HH: ACTUALLY THEY'RE FROM MY *OTHER* SECRET ADMIRER! I HAVE TWO, YOU KNOW! HEEEEEEE!!
*****
Hammerhead turned on marching band music playing Christmas songs and started doing tae-bo.
HH: Looky! I'm getting my blood pumping! [Kick kick, punch punch. We stare in horror.] I did this with the new temp yesterday. We sure had fun! [Kick, punch, quivering of back fat. The aroma of Tacoma rises from her pores.] Stephanie, this is what you need to do if you want to go into labor.
Me: What music is that?
HH: It's a sort of medley!
Me: You should put on your Kathie Lee Gifford CD.
HH: Kathie Lee doesn't ENERGIZE me. GOD.
*****
Bethany: Oh look, a doctor sent the office some Godiva. There's only 12 and there are 12 people in the office so everyone take only one.
HH: Oh you know I can't do that. [She grabs two and puts them both in her mouth.]
Bethany: HH! That's not fair! And you have diabetes! [HH pretends not to hear her. Five minutes later she skulks over to the Godiva box and takes another one.]
Bethany: That's it, HH. I'm putting the box away.
HH: Can I at least have the box when it's empty?
*****
I haven't written about this facet of the wonderment of HH because I thought it wouldn't translate very well, but I can put it off no longer. At least every other day someone will say something to HH and she'll freak out and holler as if someone said boo in a dark hallway. Just now a nurse went up to give her something.
Nurse: Hey, HH...
HH: [jumping a mile] GAAAAAAAA!!!!! DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!
Nurse: [exasperated cause this happens all the time] I WASN'T sneaking up on you. You could see me coming.
HH: I just can't handle it!
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