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weird meat and raisins

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2006-07-01
10:34 a.m.

David wants to name their new album Weird Meat and Raisins but Phil and Sean don�t think so. I like the title Clothing-Optional Christian Barbecue.

England and Portugal are in overtime right now. England�s a man down and it�s making me nervous. Judah likes England cause �that�s where Charlie and Lola and Supergrass are from.� It sounds like the crowd is singing My Country Tis of Thee but I guess it�s probably God Save the Queen.

We�re leaving to go camping at noon-thirty. I�m the least camping-inclined person in the free world but I want to make a go of it cause David loves it and Judah is excited. The last time we went was six years ago near Vancouver and it rained muddy torrents and I was goddamn miserable. We were with a bunch of David�s Canadian friends he knew from grad school and I was shy and sad cause they all knew each other and were perpetually drunk and rehashing old stories. For three days. Did I mention it rained the whole time? At least this camping trip can�t be worse than that.

Yesterday I had to be a huge corndog cause I forgot my bus pass so when I went up to the driver I took off my sunglasses so I could bat my eyes at him and I worked the southern accent. �I forgot my pass today, I�m so sorry!� He was really nice about it, maybe even too nice, so it worked but I felt like a tard for about thirty minutes after. I�m a big can of creamed corn.

Lara and Gavin�s wedding vows are the best ever! Here they are

Gavin to Lara: �I love the way your hair smells like oysters. I love the way your skin repels water, as if covered in rainex. I love the way you know half of the words to every song and sing that half proud. I love the way you have been to at least 75% of the Denny's in the Northwest. I love the way you don't care what they say about wearing stripes with plaid and navy blue with black. I love the way that you believe that your true calling in life is to open a hardware store/salon. I love the way you don't believe the dentist when he says "brush only the teeth you want to keep." I love the way you personalized those dreamcatcher earrings for me and you even used real suede. I love the way you weren't scared when you underwent that radical hormone reversal treatment. I love the fact that you have a degree in farming science. I love the way you helped that club footed girl back up on her bike. I love the way you can pound a maddog in 20 seconds. I love your slouch socks. I love the fact that you've been divorced three times but still haven't given up on men. I love your horseshoe skills."
Lara to Gavin:�I love the way you rock climb - maybe it's just the way you wear that harness and nothing else. I love the way you are proud to wear your foot bootie. I love the fact that you can eat 4 entire large pizzas in one episode of Shasta McNasty. I love the way you don't let it affect your self esteem that you have to take gas-x & beano on a daily basis (or else). I love the fact that through hypnosis you can hold your bladder for 16 days. I love the way that you never let failing the GED test 57 times never got you down. I love the way you will only wear Payless Shoe Source shoes - for their quality and classic style. I love the way you have the entire Taco Bell menu memorized and exactly what is in each of the items. I love the way they know your name and we get treated like kings when we walk into Tubs. I love the way it took them 6 months to discover it was you who installed that surveillance camera in the women's toilet at your work."


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stepha � 2006