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We know this guy named Bill who lives in the Bay Area, he�s in his 50s and looks like Richard Gere. He has tons of stories from �back in the day� and they usually involve drugs. I emailed him today about Fecalgram, and he said

I prefer to produce and deliver my own product.

God, that reminds me of a story.......not that I have time but what the hey!

Way back when...when I was a pot smoking pill popping delivery driver, I worked with this Samoan asshole who used to bully people. I was scared to death of him because he was like a pit bull. His name was Steve. He shoved me a couple times and pissed me off so I vowed revenge. I bought a pair of extra large jockey fruit of the loom underwear and wrote his full name on the elastic band with a sharpie. (Just in case you're wondering...sometimes families with multiple kids put names on the underwear for laundry purposes...my mom had four boys and she did this) Then I made this horrid concoction using mashed potatoes, other pieces of vegetables and lots of brown acrylic. It looked just like a pile of shit. I placed a big pile of this in the underwear, topped it with a little ketchup to add the bloody loose stool effect and placed it in a stall in the men's bathroom at work with his name totally visible on the band. Pretty soon the company was abuzz with the news that Steve had had a terrible fecal episode in the bathroom. The guy was totally humiliated. Unfortunately his behavior got worse but fortunately he finally got fired for being so aggressive. I still get a warm glow when I think about that one.