2005-02-17
2:55 p.m.
Last night I talked to Rhonda who was my best friend from 3rd grade through high school. We haven�t really hung out since, especially since she lives in Balitmore now, and I haven�t talked to her in about a year but yesterday I called her and it was like we had just seen each other that morning, like no time had gone by, it was pretty fun. I told her about our other best high school friend who came out to me, then we talked about people's marital discord, then she said "Oh! Did I ever tell you about my dad�s boner?" Sound of needle screeching off a record. Rhonda�s dad is like a southern Al Bundy, his name is Jerry Lee and all while growing up he kind of freaked me out because he was so opposite of my dad. He would lie on the couch with his hand in his pants waistband and if you got in the way of the TV while he was watching boxing he would freak out on you. He was really pretty funny. He�d pick us up from junior high in his hay-baling truck and take us to Burger King and then he'd get pissed off in the drive-thru because they�d ask too many questions about how exactly he wanted his hamburger and then he�d call the guy working the drive-through "ape balls" and drive on through in a rage. He led worship in her (weird to me) Church of Christ church and then during the sermon he'd fall asleep sitting up in the front pew and would snore so loud. In restaurants when the waitress asked if we wanted dessert he�d say, "Not here." So anyway, Rhonda says her dad has had a boner for eight years and the family doesn't discuss it. Rhonda: Whenever I go back home to visit, he�s got that boner. Depending on the pants he wears it�s really embarrassing.
Me: You guys go out to dinner and stuff with him like that?
Rhonda: Oh yeah.
Me: What does your mom say?
Rhonda: I�m too embarrassed to ask her.
Me: The whole family goes out to dinner with him like that and you�re still too embarrassed to ask your mom about it?
Rhonda. Yeah. When he walked me down the aisle at my wedding he had it.
Me: Does he still lead worship at church?
Rhonda: Yup.
Me: With the boner.
Rhonda: Yup.
Wendy Pepper wore a magic scarf on the Project Runway reunion! As if she needed people to think even less of her.
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