2004-03-08
11:47 p.m.
I�m sad. My big fear happened. I don�t know if this is blogging material but oh well. (When I just now typed material I automatically typed �maternity.� Ohhh.) It�s strange how common they say it is, it�s really hard to believe. I feel a weird peace, weird in that it doesn�t make sense. Jesus is helping me. He has my baby now, but he had her all along. (I like to think it was a girl. I had already bought her dresses and little pink mittens.) I�ll have more kids someday, it will just be a little while longer. I�m so glad to have two year old Jude running around, happy and perfect. I just now put him to bed and as he went to sleep he held my face in his hands like he does every night. I think this would be much, much harder if we didn�t already have him. Tonight we got slurpees and went to the beach to watch the sunset. He grew dissatisfied with his small banana slurpee and wanted our big Mountain Dew slurpees, so we let him have some and he was happy, walking around holding a huge slurpee that was half his size. I�m grateful that I�m not so crazy with grief that I can�t realize what I have. On a much, much lighter note�Margaret Cho says in her blog that she has a husband�? When did that happen?
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