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2004-02-05
10:18 a.m.

I saw that on an old t-shirt in a vintage store in Berkeley once. I'm still mad at myself for not buying it.

I was trying to remember the first time I ever cussed and I think it was when I was in 6th grade. We were at a movie (Mannequin) and I had bought a huge coke that cost like, five dollars. My friend Natalie and I were sitting down in the theater which was already dark and I tripped over someone's feet and spilled five dollars of coke on the ground. So I said very calmly, "Shit." And it was so fun to say! I've been hooked ever since.

Speaking of things worthy of saying shit over. I'm turning 29 on Monday. Just kidding, I'm actually kind of happy about it as dorky as that is to be happy over a birthday, I mean it means I'm not dead. Working in an emergency room gives you an unusual and highly accurate perspective, I think. Seeing mashed-up corpses from car wrecks (24 on average, daily) makes me feel lucky to be approaching 30. This guy was in last week who was 19, and he had rolled his car, wasn't wearing his seatbelt, yada yada, and his head was cracked open and his brain was oozing out of his skull. After seeing that (and the 23 others, on average, like him that come in every day) am I going to complain about turning 29? I'm getting down on my proverbial knees and giving thanks, motherfucker.

And another fun fact. You wouldn't believe all the child abuse cases. You cannot feel sorry for yourself when you read the details of those poor kids' charts. Yesterday a five year old boy named Nathan was brought in because he was found wandering around downtown at night while his parents were drunk. He had bruises all over his face, the black kind, and his back and butt had cigarette burns and whip marks. I couldn't work for awhile cause I was bawling, and you would have too. It's one thing to be mad at your parents and circumstances(as I am on many levels) when you're a grownup, but when you're five years old and are at the mercy of people like that, and your little sister has been in foster care with someone who is a recently convicted felon (the chart actually said that), you would eat off your right arm to be in whatever supposedly shitty circumstances all of us complain of being in. So get the fuck over yourself. Same goes double for me. I want to adopt as many kids as I can. It's so horrible out there for so many precious innocent doll babies who have parents who are addicts. I hate that there's so much out there we have no idea about. God have mercy.




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stepha � 2006