2006-12-06
1:44 p.m.
I�m in Colorado this week. The air is dry here and gives you mass boogers. Heather Belle�s house is huge and gorgeous and all cozy and shit. It�s snowy and Christmasy here and feels like the holidays! In Cambodia. I gave Heather Belle�s basset hound Lucy a pizza crust three days ago and now she won�t quit following me around. I accidentally washed my hair with medicated dog shampoo this morning. I miss the kids but I�ve only cried once, when I talked to Lolly on the phone. David says Jude opened one of his Christmas presents and then confessed, saying �My brain told me to.� Heather Belle called in sick to work so that we could hang out and then she actually got sick. Karma�s a bitch. This has been a typical day:
Wake up at 11. Drink delicious chemically-flavored hazelnut coffee while watching Nip/Tuck. Eat almonds. Watch E! True Hollywood Story. Have sloth-fueled discussion over who is going to let the dog out. Eat string cheese. Watch Cathouse on HBO. Feel dirty. Eat Lindt chocolate. Surf web looking at new Volvos and Honda CR-Vs. Go to Volvo dealership with Heather in exchange for her taking me to thrift stores. Talk about going to see Borat but never do. Talk about getting pedicures but never do. Go to Chili�s and drink fruity girl drinks while Heather orders badass martinis. Decorate Heather�s upstairs tree for her (yes, UPSTAIRS TREE). Laugh at pretty much everything Heather says because she is hilarious, or maybe I�m just a soft touch. Smoke cigarettes with Heather�s husband while conspiring Christmas present ideas for things to give my conservative Christian relatives and their kids (for boys: Fresh �n Fancy makeup kit. For girls: rabbit vibrator. Unisex gift: Ouija board and/or Eminem CD). Eat pint of Karamel Sutra ice cream. Hate self. Drive to Target in vast amusement while Heather creatively insults everyone on road. Turn down Dr. Dre when African-americans pull up next to us at stoplights. Ask Heather to replay �Honky Tonk Badonkadonk� nine times (have you heard this song??). I have no idea how to spell badonkadonk.
I can�t recount any more. Back tomorrow.
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